IF you're interested in learning about effective and satisfying positions for making love, first let me stress that it's not compulsory to make love in lots of different positions.
Some couples have a wonderful sex life never varying from the traditional missionary position. Don't get the idea that you have to be a contortionist to be a good lover. There is a lot of emphasis on variety in love-making these days, but it is meant to be enjoyable variety.
However, if your partner wants to experiment, do at least be willing to give it a try. If one of you favours a position the other isn't so keen on, you can easily make love for a while in one position, and then swap over to the other's favourite. Obviously if the man tends to climax in one position and the woman in another, it makes sense to choose the woman's favourite first.
To start with, it does of course help to have a basic understanding of what usually leads to orgasm. For men it is mainly stimulation of the penis but, while most women enjoy vaginal penetration, it is mainly stimulation of the clitoris which is most effective and for some, it's been suggested, the G spot. The clitoris is just in front of the vagina, and the G spot is inside the vagina, along the front wall, behind the pubic bone.
The man-on-top positions, in which the man lies between the woman's legs, are probably the most commonly used. They are, for most men, the easiest in which to climax.
In this position, the couple can kiss and cuddle one another while they make love, they can vary from shallow to deep penetration, and vary the angle of stimulation by making small adjustments, such as the woman bending her knees.
So the possibilities of the missionary position are not to be under-estimated - though some women find they get more sensation if they place a pillow beneath their bottom.
For most women this is a good position for conception too - and if that's your aim, it's helpful to stay lying on your back for half an hour or so after making love.
If a woman is pregnant, then it can be comfortable for her to make love lying on her back on the bed, with her lower legs over the edge, feet on the ground. The man can then stand between her legs, half lying on the bed so that she doesn't have to take his full weight.
Many couples find woman-on-top positions particularly satisfying. They allow the woman to control both the depth and pace of intercourse, so she can experiment to achieve the best stimulation for her.
This position is also useful if the woman is anxious, and has perhaps been suffering from problems with making love because of this, and sometimes men who have been suffering from premature ejaculation or erection problems find this a less anxiety-producing position. Obviously, woman-on-top positions are also useful if the woman is pregnant or the man much heavier.
Most commonly, the woman kneels with her legs either side of the man's. You can achieve deep penetration, and see and caress one another. Variations are that the woman can kneel facing away from the man, for a different angle of stimulation, or they can sit facing one another on a chair, with the woman effectively sitting on the man's lap.
Couples can make love with the man entering the vagina from the rear - lying, standing, sitting or kneeling, with the man or woman on top. These positions usually give great scope for the man caressing his partner's body during intercourse, so can be very helpful, for example, for women who have problems reaching orgasm. The man can caress her breasts or clitoris at the same time as making love.
Side-by-side positions are ideal for relaxed love-making and during pregnancy. The couple can either lie facing one another, in which case the woman usually places her upper leg over the man's side, or they can lie in the spoons position, tucked into each other, facing the same way. This can be a good one when the man is tired or has been ill, as he can achieve deep penetration with little movement, there is good stimulation of the G spot and he can use his hands to stimulate the clitoris.
The novelty of standing positions can add a thrill but they're rarely the most practicable - differing heights often pose a problem. The couple can simply stand face to face, the woman with her legs apart. They can see and kiss one another, and their hands are free to stimulate and caress. The man standing behind the woman, as I've mentioned, can be helpful for a woman who finds orgasm difficult, since he can easily stimulate her at the same time.
Real athletes try making love with the man standing, and the woman wrapping her legs round his waist. They can see and kiss one another but it is tiring!
I hope this has given you some new ideas to try. Remember, it's not compulsory to vary but sometimes a change of position can bring improved satisfaction.
If what you need isn't so much just a change of position but advice to sort out a sexual problem, such as lack of orgasm, perhaps, loss of sex drive, erection difficulties or premature ejaculation, then do let me know. I will be able to send you specific advice to help you.
Please email
problems@deardeidre.org .
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